April 21, 2012
Here is the cell division schedule:
Day 0 - Retrieval Day
Day 1 - Fertilization Day / Conception - 1 cell
Day 2 - 2 to 4 cells
Day 3 - 8 cells
Day 4 - 16 to 32 cells
Day 5 - Cavitation and Blastocyst formation / Transfer Day
All 7 are still alive! Yay! I am still in shock that we have not lost any. Today is Day 3.
Day 3 Embryos
(2) 8 cell grade 4.0
(3) 8 cell grade 3.0
(1) 8 cell grade 2.5
(1) 5 cell grade 2.5
Day 2 Embryos( I didn’t have the cell numbers for our embryos when I posted yesterday)
(2) 4 cell grade 4.0
(2) 5 cell grade 3.0
(2) 4 cell grade 2.5
(1) 2 cell grade 2.5
The cell number is equally as important as the grade. A day 3 embryo that is 8 cells, grade 3 is better than a day 3 that is 4 cells, grade 4. I also want to clarify that just because an embryo has a lower grade, this does not mean that it is abnormal. The grading scale tells them the odds of a successful implantation. A high grade embryo can still go on to have genetic abnormalities. Just as a low grade embryo can be completely normal and healthy. The grade of the embryo simply put, gives information about likeliness that implantation will occur, and if the embryo is likely to survive. At first, I thought, that the higher the grade the more normal. This is not the case. It is much more complex than this obviously, and I hope an embryologist is not reading my watered down version. LOL
We are so grateful for each day that God has granted us life. I am a mother of 7 little ones. I may never meet them, but I have never been able to say this. Some women will never get to the point where I am today. We believe that life begins at conception, which occurred around 3 days ago. I pray for these little angels every day. I pray especially very hard for the one that is lagging behind. I want to meet all of them! I told Rocky yesterday, “We have 7 children in a dish”. He looked at me a little funny. Maybe because they are so very tiny and we are not physically connected to them. Maybe because the sound of 7 children, which is totally possible, is a little shocking. Not to me, I will take them all!!!! He then proceeded to say, “It will feel more like they are ours when you are pregnant”- which I totally understand and obviously that will make it more real to me too! However, he is so thrilled they are still alive, and that we are getting closer day by day. He has been such an angel during all of this.
It has been very hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that they already have souls. If you believe in life at conception, then this is true. It is so amazing and crazy all at the same time. Most women never get to see their children at such an early age. It is truly a blessing. We made triple sure that our clinic understood that we will be saving any and all embryos that have not died on their own. I do not care if they are lower grade, if they are alive, we will transfer them sometime in the future. I have to take full responsibility for the lives we have created-even if it means having 7 children! We can’t go through all of this to create life, just to destroy some that do not look as good as the others. Only the Creator of life will decide which embryos will make it to implantation/pregnancy/birth. I have heard several stories where women had to use lower grade embryos and they went on to be beautiful, healthy children. Of course, we are thrilled to have all 7. (I know, you say…well wait until you have one). I have heard this more times than I care to count. What I mean, if that is what God has for us, than this is we want it.
People used to have this many children and more all of the time. Our society today is much more inclined to view children as a burden rather than a complete gift from God. When you cannot have children, this fact is super irritating. So many women seemingly take their children for granite; I think this becomes so much more pronounced when you are unable to get pregnant. You think, I would do anything to have that "burden". I have learned to cherish every moment. I look at my nephew Radcliffe and I literally want to inhale him. (I am not a weirdo, just wanting to get across how much I love him. You cannot see my face so I have to provoke an extreme image :). I do not want to miss anything when I am with him. I used to be that girl that was always rushing to the next phase and when I arrived at my destination I couldn’t wait to get going again. Not anymore! There is so much life and so many memories around me just waiting to be soaked up every single day. I am trying to be more and more sponge like. I am so grateful that the Lord chose to teach me this before making me a mother. I would have lived with a lot of regret because I would have been that mother wishing my child’s life away. I would have always been looking to the next stag.
Realistically, even if you use all 7, they will not all end in live births. That is why I am all about the more the merrier. I would love one day to look at my day 3, 5 cell, grade 2.5 embryo and see him all grown up. “You are perfect in every way, and somehow you are smarter than all the other kids. And just to think, they said you were 'lower grade'.” And yes, I see him as a boy. You know….how boys mature slower than girls! LOL! Hey, I have to have a little fun! I think, A LOT!!!
I told my dad today that I am so thrilled to be a mother today. No matter what happens, this is more than I have ever known and my heart is full! Even if I do not meet them on this earth, one day I will meet them in Heaven. I have the privilege of saying that I was a mother to 7 little friends that were created by Rocky and I through God. Because I have been in the place where I have asked God, "If I could just be pregnant once... just to say that I have been pregnant, even if I have a miscarriage". I became so desperate and ready to settle for anything. Through that, He brought me to a place where I started to become fulfilled with just the smallest of victories, the smallest of gifts. This has been one of the greatest joys and lessons on this infertility journey. To be content with the smallest of blessings. I still have so many other areas to implement this in, but with this, I am truly overwhelmed with anything extra that I receive. Getting to this point has been such a relief and joy. I can’t put it into words. I feel like I have already won! I know there is a long way to go, but I try to only stay in today. Of course, I day dream down the road but only for a little a bit at a time. Otherwise, I will get WAY too carried away. I have just focused on how amazing life is in the present. How complex the process of life is and how all of us started out this same way. It is so cool! We are getting to watch something unfold that it usually tucked away in secrecy. It has revealed even more to me that we did not get here merely by chance - that there is a definite Designer and Creator of all life.
The next two days are very crucial. I have a close friend who found out the morning of her transfer that all of her embryos had died overnight. Devastating news. I know that this is a definite possibility, and I am not guaranteed a transfer. That is why I am enjoying each day, but knowing that I am not promised anything outside of today! Until tomorrow!
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