OH LASTY!!!!!!
Some of you may remember that we had ONE little angel(embryo) left from our initial fresh cycle IVF in 2012. We have five total that made it to the embryo stage, the first two didn't take, then the next two were Hew and Harry-WOO HOO-, and that left one little friend. He says, “ it has been winter forever in here”! HA!! We have so cleverly named him/her LASTY!!!! We started medication early September and had our transfer of Lasty on Wednesday afternoon! Everything went as planed! This round has been COMPLETELY different for many reason, some of which you can guess. The biggest difference is I have Hew and Harry, I have experienced pregnancy, I have seen my children in my womb, I have heard their heart beats, experienced delivery, picked names, nursed them, and pretty much everything else you DREAM of doing as a mother. That makes this experience VASTLY different. Their is no devastation, heartache, pain, wonder, or what if while going through this round. The ONE thing I wanted so desperately, I now have!!! PLUS.....NO TIME to even think about it!!! Toddler twins….need I say more?!?!
I know I will be sad if it doesn't work, but it will NOT compare to previous failed cycles or lack of pregnancy for 48 LONG months. It just makes me ALL the more grateful for the TWO lives God has given me. SO many women are still struggling to even have ONE, so I will not complain or pretend it is the same as what they are still going through. Infertility is definitely hard no matter what because you want to JUST get pregnant like you normal people, but once God has blessed you with your own children it becomes dramatically different!! For me, it has been important to not lose sight of the fact that God has BLESSED me beyond measure with my boys. It is SO easy for us to get the one thing we have longed to have for so long only to want more and more, never really being completely satisfied. YES….I want more!. YES….I will be sad if I can’t have anymore. BUT…..I will always look at my two little beautiful faces and remember to be grateful. Remember God answered my prayer ABOVE and BEYOND!!! Remember that there are countless women who continue to endure the struggle childless and many more who’s time has already passed!
If I am being honest, I feel as though this one may not work. And not in a "woe is me" kind of way! So don't be sad! :-) I don’t know why I feel this way and I will be surprised if to does work. Maybe it is God’s way of protecting me and keeping me grounded in reality. I had this same feeling with our first cycle that didn’t work(except in devastation) and with Hew and Harry I actually had a peace that this was it. OF COURSE, these are just feelings!!! Feelings can make you think anything and everything under the sun! I may feel this way because I messed up several medications with regards to timing, start dates, etc! Did I mention TODDLER-TWIN brain!!! I don’t even know what day it is!! LOL!!!
Ultimately, life is ALWAYS in God’s hands. I am not in control. I did my best. I have the best doctor(Dr. Shauna McKinney). If it is meant to be for us to meet Lasty……then we will!!!! The future of this little friend has already been written in time. We are hopeful, but realistic. Today, I am just grateful. Grateful that Lasty survived the thaw and that the placement was ideal. Grateful that I have two precious, healthy boys and they are MORE than I deserve. I want several more, but I remember telling God I would be forever content if I just get to experience pregnancy even once! He has already fulfilled that dream!!!
And if this doesn’t work….if MUST mean that we are to start ALL over again because He wants us to have twins again, right?!?!! :-)
I LOVE these photos!! Life is SUCH a miracle!!!!
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