Why Me?

March 5th, 2012

 Do you ever ask the Lord, why me? In Sunday School class yesterday, yes I still call it this (I am sure there is a more modern name for it), my friend Jamie was giving an account of his recent mission trip to Cote-l’dvoire, Africa. He went to share Christ, while offering his anesthesia expertise during various surgeries. As he is explaining what little medical technology they have, I was mentally comparing it with what we do have. They ran out of IV fluids after 2 days, no imaging modalities, and no way of giving a blood transfusion if needed post-operatively. No way of monitoring your vital signs during surgery, or anytime for that matter. This is only to name a few. I cannot re-paint the picture properly, but I trust you can use your imagination. The statement, "we have run out of IV fluids" does not exist in this country. This is a stark contrast to the United States. We think of IV fluids as a basic necessity, much less anything more advanced than a simple IV. If you even step into the hospital, you are getting you some IV fluids. If you lose too much blood, you already have your specific blood type stocked and ready to go. We have every monitoring device know to man. These women are suffering immense pain for long periods of time, from diseases that are routinely fixed here in the States. The Lord really was showing me what all we have to be so grateful for. 

 I started thinking to myself, why me Lord?  Why did you so graciously choose to make me a citizen of the Untied States of America? I have taken this for granite; it was not random, but Divine purpose. I live in the best country in the world. Why me Lord?  Why have you chosen to give me wonderful physicians to help me? I have had top notch diagnosis and treatments. I have been given, by God, the best chances to overcome my infertility. These are not rights, they are privileges. I not only had a diagnosis of a septated uterus by high tech imaging modalities. I also had a "routine" surgery, obviously not available everywhere. Without this diagnosis and treatment, I would have zero chance, humanly speaking, of carrying a child. My uterus was completely divided with a very large, fibrous mass. On a side note, I was born with this. The Lord specifically made me that way in my mother's womb. That's special! As we say in my family, "dat pecial". 

 Why me, Lord? Why did you choose to give me wonderful parents who taught me Your Word? Why I am so fortunate to have a sister for a best friend? Why did you choose to bless me with cousins who are just like sisters? I am overwhelmed with gratitude when I think of these relationships.

 Why me Lord? Why did you give me a husband who thinks I hung the moon? He truly treasures my heart and looks at me as if I am the sweetest person alive. Now, if you know me, that is only from God. I think God gave him some blinders to wear at times. 

 Why me Lord? Why did you chosen to give me 32 years and counting with my dad, mom, and sister. I was watching a movie last night where a little girl died at 9 years old. I want to tell you the name, but I do not want to ruin anything about the movie. However, after the child's death, the father was seeking counsel from a pastor who told him to be grateful for the 9 years God did give you; as opposed to being upset about all the years you will not have with her. So often we look at the negative side only. Not that there isn’t a grieving process, but eventually we should return to gratitude for what we do have. Kathy Babcock from Indiana was not so lucky. She lost 5 family members in the recent tornados; two of them being small children. Can you imagine this devastation? Or, the women who threw her body over her two children, and later lost both of her legs from her injuries. Wow!

 I think we can all make this type of list. Whenever I am bombarded with life’s trials, or negative thoughts, I try to make a mental list of all that I do have today. Your list might look different than mine. However, there are always things we can be grateful for no matter what the situation. There is always someone with a worse situation. 

 So, I can sit here and ask all day why me? Why have you not given me any children Lord? But for me, in my situation, this would be dishonoring to the Lord. Now, I have felt tremendous heartbreak throughout this journey. However, there is a right way and a wrong way to walk through your trials. My desire to have my own children is God given, and it only grows each day. However, drawing near to God, makes your greatest desire be His will. This is the only way I can make it through.

 Look around you and ask the Lord, “why not me?”