SHARPS CONTAINERS AND PREGNANCY TESTS!!!!!

Sharp containers and pregnancy tests..... that’s been my life for the past few weeks, BUT I will take all the SHARPS containers in the world just to have this assembly of pregnancy tests. I have not seen a more beautiful sight!!! WE. ARE. PREGNANT. 

I realize this photo could make me appear totally crazy, but until you have been where I have been, you don't get to judge. 

:-) I started testing three days after my transfer knowing that it was too early to tell, but I wanted to see it go from negative to positive, if that was in our future. When you have waited SO long, and worked so hard, you don't want to miss it. And YES....I save them. When I look down at these tests, I could never put into words the flood of thoughts and emotions that come over me. 

Watching a test darken every day is one of the best things on this earth! Some people cope by not testing at all. I CANNOT do that. I want to be prepared, or otherwise my heart continues to hope and dream with each passing day. Testing also makes me feel like I am doing something. My very first cycle I didn't test at all and waited the WHOLE two weeks for the nurse to call with my blood results.....It was negative and I swore I would never wait that out again without testing. It was horrific. 

The other thing I don't do is take those abrasive, rude, insensitive "NOT PREGNANT" in all CAPS digital pregnancy tests. When you have seen SO many negatives, you don't need that thing screaming it at you. So I wait.......UNTIL the other ones show positive......then I take the test. Only since I know the outcome. "PREGNANT". This is my third time in 9.5 years to see positive tests. The twins, Blighted Ovum, and now. 

It was actually 4 days after my transfer that I read the first positive. I will never forget this night. Rocky was gone. I took the test and it was negative, which I expected since it was SO early. Then a couple hours later(because you keep looking at them thinking they will randomly turn positive)......I squinted and saw the faintest of faintest lines EVER. I mean faint......I had to use my cell phone light to see it, but it was there. Or was it??? So faint!! So, I did what any normal, sane person would do....I tested every 12 hours until my first blood test! #duh #myIVFsistersknowthedrill 

Watching them darken is like reliving the best moment of your life over and over again and you NEED to see them darken. All the pain, the struggle, the hoping, the waiting, the money, the shots, the tests, more shots, more tests, surgeries, and more waiting fades into a nothing because you are pregnant. It was all worth it. 

I have now had two positive blood tests!!! I have wanted to post about it so many times, but needed to wait just in case it turned bad. It is gut wrenching and almost unbearable to have to talk about it not working after you shared that it did. That is why so many stay silent for weeks. We have a long way to go, but we are cherishing the good each day that God gives it to us. I want to cherish these lives as long as they are here with us!!!! 

It has definitely been a crazy few weeks of emotions. Wondering. Crying. Hoping. Praying. Crying. And more praying. Prayer works!!!!! I know SO many of you have been praying for these babies and I am forever grateful!! I could actually go and on and on, but I will spare you all the details( I could write a book). Needless to say, August 2018 has turned out to be my second FAVE month EVAH!! January 2014(month I found out I was having Hew and Harry) still holds first place!!!!

My prayer has been for the babies, but ONLY if it is God's will. There is only one place worst than not being pregnant and that is out of the will of God. Nothing good happens there. Been there, done that. He is the only one that knows our future and what is best for us!!!