1st Twinmester!

First, our old site is being revamped to a new site and my stuff is not available yet. So, I will be using this Blogger site until then. Needless to say, I am tech challenged. :-) http://twosisterstwostories.blogspot.com/

17 weeks down! The weeks have been flying by and I am not even in a hurry or trying to rush my pregnancy. I am trying to enjoy everyday, every moment, so grateful that I still have little babies to talk about. It has been so surreal to hear people talk about our babies, for many weeks it has felt like we were talking about someone else, their pregnancy, their babies. My friend Jenn wrote me a note congratulating me for making it through the 1st trimester. She wrote about how she daydreamed about what my children would look like. I started crying because I had not even daydreamed about what they would look like. It wasn’t intentional, but I think after waiting for so long it was just my default. For so long it had been so painful to daydream, but the positive is that I am truly living in the today! I am going to flashback to when we first found out and summarize the events that have occurred so bear with me. I meant to write several weeks ago, but we all know how that goes.

The Beginning:

The 2-3 days following our transfer I was suppose to “take it easy”. There is something about people telling you to take it easy that you suddenly remember all of the things you need to do. However, I followed doctor’s orders, even though no one thought I would “take it easy”. There were several rules to follow for those days like no hot showers, no lifting over 10lbs, no exercise, or anything that raised my core temperature. So basically, I couldn’t watch anything political on TV either. :-) I did want to follow the rules because I believe that is being a good steward of the knowledge God has given to us, however, I had no faith in the lack of my activity to produce pregnancy. I knew that if it was God’s will that I would become pregnant. There was nothing I had control over and nothing I could do, nor wanted to do, to change His plan. I did have an extreme peace, not that it would work out in our favor, but that God’s perfect will was being done.

The Friday after our transfer I was out running errands, which was about 10 days before we found out we were pregnant, I felt so good that day. Partly, because I could finally get off the couch! I went into to grab a “few” things at Whole Foods and as I was carrying my grocery bags to the car it dawned on me that I was carrying well over 10 lbs. It was too late, I was already halfway to my car. Then I thought to myself, God is bigger than this. What will be will be. I am not in control. And then out of nowhere I said to myself, “I’m pregnant, I feel pregnant”. I was grinning ear to ear, the sun was shining and I just had the most amazing feeling. Now I knew that “feelings” mean nothing, but I was just going with. I just wanted to enjoy the moment, not live in the fear. If I was pregnant I would regret not sharing my feelings and if I wasn’t pregnant it could get any more devastating so what the heck. I called my sister later that day and told her, “I’m pregnant”. There was a long pause, I think it totally freaked her out because she knew it was too soon to know for sure. I wanted to tell her what I had felt so that if I did end of pregnant someone heard me say it. She was hesitant at first because she was afraid that if it wasn’t true that maybe I would be that much more crushed if I had my hopes up on a feeling. I told her that I will already be crushed if I do not end up pregnant, nothing at this point will make that worse or better. I didn’t want to be afraid of the feelings I had. My sister quickly jumped on board, in Nancy style. She was so excited because I “felt” pregnant.

Of course I had thoughts here and there, “what if it didn’t work?”. They only lasted a second because the pain was so severe that I would not even let myself dwell on it being negative. I really didn’t know how I would make it through if this IVF cycle didn’t work. I knew that the Lord never gives you more than you can handle, I trusted that, but I could see no way that I was going to make it through another failed cycle. So, I just chose to leave it up to God and if that was His plan, I trusted that He would pull me out of despair and show me how to go on. I could not humanly see how I would handle another failed cycle, so I literally took that worry and gave it to Christ. Truth is I could not handle it on my own, but with Christ all things are possible. I knew this because He had already lifted, carried, and pulled me through deep valleys. Trusting this completely gave me the peace to be free of worry and fear. That is a priceless gift that the Lord wants to give everyone. I just wasn’t going to waste those precious days on something that may not even happen.

I was so ready to take that 1st HPT on that Monday morning, 6dp5dt. (My last IVF cycle I never took an early test until the morning of my blood test, I was too afraid of the answer) That means 6 days past a 5 day transfer. I saw where several people online had positive tests that early. .I knew that one of the embryos that we transferred had already hatched out of his shell and the next step was implantation. In my head, Hatchy implanted first thus would start making HCG and Blasty attached a day or so later. Now, this is just my made up scenario. Just to be clear, we named our embryos Hatchy and Blasty. Hatchy because he had busted out of his shell and Blasty because at day 5 they are referred to as a blastocyst stage.

I took my first HPT on December 17th and I was totally shocked when for the first time in my life a two lines revealed themselves. I took a test every morning and every afternoon until my blood test. They became darker every day. Each time was as if it was the first. In all 4 years of trying to conceive there had never been a positive test. This reminded me of my recent prayers with regards to fertility. I prayed that even if I did not remain pregnant, if I could only be pregnant for a moment, just to have the experience, just to see a positive pregnancy test, just to know that I could even get pregnant. At this point, we did not know if I could even get pregnant. These positive tests meant so much more to me than having a child. It represents answered prayer. My joy in that moment actually had very little to do with the fact that I might have my own child, and so much to do with what the Lord had taught me. I really can barely put it into words. I was even thinking about the next step, just so very grateful for this positive test even if this was all I was given it was more than I had in the past and it was an answer to prayer. It was a gift from God. I tried to stay in those moments that entire week, reliving the” stick” turning positive daily. It was WONDERFUL!!!! I have saved everyone of those tests and they serve as a reminder that God is good, that He will carry you through the valleys so that the mountain top is that much sweeter, that He has a perfect plan for you and His way is always best It was one of the best moments of my life, not because I was pregnant but because God’s Word is true This moment took my faith to a whole other level. For this, I am most grateful!

1st Twinmester:

Our positive blood test came just in time for the Christmas holiday. I prayed that both babies would make it. As far as I was concerned, I was pregnant with twins until told otherwise. I could not talk as if there was only one because I felt like that would be leaving the other one out, or somehow not wanting one of them. I would have obviously been grateful for whatever God gave us. I also did not take anything for granted. A positive pregnancy test was just that, a positive pregnancy. It in now way promises me that I will remain pregnancy, that I will see anything on an ultrasound, or hold a baby/babies in my arms on 9 months. I was not promised anything and I knew this reality.I thoroughly enjoyed every passing day, but was aware of the reality that anything could happen. I prayed that if it were God’s will that I would see two babies. Our very first ultrasound was at our fertility center on January 7th. This was the first time that we saw two babies! Our next ultrasound was on January 15th and we were so thrilled to see that both babies were still there and growing. I cannot take it for granted that they will just be there. I also didn’t worry about their future because they were safely in the hands of Jesus. That week we heard their precious heart beats on Doppler for the first time. It was surreal and almost like I was hearing someone else’s baby’s heart beats. It didn’t seem real, it just sounded too good to be true! I was in shock for several weeks, but the best kind of shock.

I had my very 1st OB appointment after the ultrasound. When you call the OBGYN office they always ask “are you pregnant?” before putting you on hold. Of course, I ALWAYS had to say NO for the millionth time, but this time I got to say yes! I almost said no out of habit, and then I caught myself! My appointment went really well. They did find a subchorionic hemorrhage (SCH), but they usually go will away on their own. My doctor will do regular ultrasounds until it has resolved. Sometimes if they start to grow, they can lead to miscarriage and later in pregnancy preterm labor, but this is not the norm. If I were to go back and find out at some point that it has grown, I would be put on bed rest.

I really didn’t worry about it because what will be will be. The Lord has already put into history what children we will have. The lady at my pregnancy center captured this amazing photo of them side by side!

Chorionic hematoma (also chorionic hemorrhage) is the pooling of blood (hematoma) between the chorion, a membrane surrounding the embryo, and the uterine wall. With an incidence of 3.1% of all pregnancies, it is the most common sonographic abnormality and the most common cause of first trimester bleeding. http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/404971-overview

My SCH has remained on the smaller side and does not appear to be actively bleeding. It has remained the same size on every ultrasound. We have been able to see our babies so much more because of this abnormality so for this I am grateful. If they do not progress, the body will either reabsorb the blood or you will have some bleeding.

I felt great throughout my entire first trimester, considering I was growing two humans. I never had any morning sickness or all day sickness. I did have some other pregnancy symptoms that just aren’t worth mentioning because I am pregnant!!! I continued my workouts that consisted of running and Crossfit. The days I worked out were and still are the days I feel the best. Specifically in the first trimester, I noticed that I had minimal indigestion, slept better, less body aches, and much more energy on the days I exercised. I know that working out is good for you while pregnant, but during this first trimester I was amazed at the decrease in pregnancy symptoms from working out. This first trimester was bliss. I lived in pure joy and freedom from worry. For the simple fact that I cannot change the future or what will be. I have not always been this way, I had to learn hard way over the past few years. I was so grateful to be able to put this faith into action during these first delicate weeks. Thank the Lord for progress!

2nd Twinmester:

More updates to come! We will be finding out genders very, very soon! I will post ultrasound photo, maybe belly photos(if I’m feeling brave), and gender reveal photos soon!

Baby’s Measurements:

6w4d - Baby A - 0.72cm, HR 124; Baby B - 0.74cm, HR 119

7w5d - Baby A - 1.26cm, HR 151; Baby B - 1.3cm, HR152

8w6d - Baby A - 2.09cm, HR 176; Baby B - 2.10cm, HR 173

10w5d- Baby A - 4.2cm, HR 165; Baby B - 3.7cm, HR 176

12w0d- Baby A - 4.99cm, HR 153; Baby B - 5.41cm, HR 154

13w6d- Baby A - 7.43cm, HR 148; Baby B - 7.48cm, HR 153