Last Days in Hospital, Prognosis, and Coming Home!

Day 6, 7, and Coming Home!! 

DAY 6: The chest tubes were taken out on Monday and that is where my last post left off. Tuesday(DAY 6) we were moved out of the PICU and on to the regular pediatric floor where I would have my own bed! YAY!! BUT....it didn't matter because he wouldn't sleep unless I was in the bed with him. He had a lot of pain at night and I think it is worse because he goes will start to deep breath while sleeping and that causes significant pain. Enough pain to where he SHOOTS up out of bed and is flinging around. It is quite upsetting to see. He does it every night. Pleuritic pain is sharp and quite alarming as an adult, but worse as a child because you can't understand what is happening or how to stop it. This was about the only time during the day I would panic because it would appear as though something was REALLY wrong, even though you knew logically what was likely happening.

Overall, he did well. Started walking the halls. Pooping again. Riding in the wagon and talking to me with some smiles. He hadn't really talked the whole time. His little voice was so hoarse and weak it was happy and sad to hear him talk. He still very much guarded is left side and only really wanted me to move him. He had really gotten to the point that if a nurse walked in he started losing it. :-(

-Right before we blew this joint!!!

DAY 7: Discharge day. Hewitt had been seeing four different doctors during his admission. The Pediatric Intensivist, the Pediatric Thoracic Surgeon, his Pediatrician, and the Pediatric Pulmonologist. Hewitt will have several weeks of recovery and we will not know until the chest x-ray in 6 weeks if he will have any permanent lung damage. Either way, the doctors informed us that we needed to be EXTRA careful with him because his lungs have taken a big hit. Basically, they scared me to death and that is actually hard to do. The first hit they took was last fall when he had a severe asthma attack, but of course this one being much worse. He isn't allowed to be around groups of kids of any kind for at least the next 6-8 weeks. Church, big play dates, parties, etc. Sick season is still going on and his left lung has zero resistance right now. Not going to lie, it was pretty hard to hear because it reminded me just how serious this infection was. NOT that I didn't know, but it is hard to hear as a parent when it is your job to protect them and even though these things happen, you still feel like you should have known so you could protect him.

He went home with a central line in his left subclavian vein and he went home with this because he would still require 5 days of IV antibiotics at home. They actually wanted 7 more days, but the central line had to come out in 5 so agreed on 5 because the risk of infection from central line was much greater. In these types of cases they said you need something stronger so make for certain the infection resolves. You also want your child to be discharged form hospital as soon as safely possible because we all know that everyone at the hospital is sick. Central lines must be protected and monitored because they are at higher risk of infection and have a direct entrance into the heart which can lead to septicemia. I was a little freaked out even with my medical background. There is a reason why you don't treat your own family members in serious situations. 

-Hewitt's line was on the left. 

SINCE COMING HOME: We came home Wednesday at noon. he got to nap in his own bed. It was so sad because he usually sleeps in my room because I cant risk them waking each other up at nap. Mommy NEEDS a break!! BUT.....all he kept saying was, "my bed, my bed, my bed". So we let them sleep together and they both passed out happy! I would want my bed too. The lack of sleep that occurs, it is a wonder anyone can get better. I had to become the sleep NAZI and be very proactive about when and how often they came in at night. Obviously, they have to come in and do things, but you can request then to cluster or postpone something for an hour or two. Kids need sleep!!!! 

-Suffering from a bad case of BED HEAD!!! One of the first things we did...wash hair! 

Home health was to come the next day(Thursday) to administer IV Rocephin. This was a VERY hard day. ACTUALLY one of the hardest. Sounds crazy, when she came to give the medicine(Thursday) BOTH lines were had clotted off which means that no medication could go in. I LOST it. I didn't know what was going to happen. A million scenarios went through my head and none were good. Would we have to readmit him, place another line, not get IV antibiotics that he needed??? Would we have to be readmitted just for them to try to clot bust the line? This takes hours and what if it didn't work? One line had already clotted off twice in the hospital. I just couldn't imagine putting him through anything else, but also know he needed something stronger than oral medications. He had finally taken a real nap and he really needed sleep. SO....we called his pediatrician and she had us come up there and she actually removed the central line. 

We weighed all the options and re-admitting him put him in more danger than benefit. We decided to give him the same medication in a shot everyday. IM(intramuscular) Rocephin and IV Rocephin have the same absorption rate but the shot is obviously painful and feels just plain mean. BUT we didn't have a choice so we have taken him to get two shots everyday since Thursday and then he will start oral Augmentin on Sunday through Friday. We see the surgeon again on Thursday to look at he incision site. He did have another chest x-ray on Thursday and it actually looked a little better than the one the day before. There is still a portion of his upper left lung that has not expanded, but this takes time.  This is a huge source of his pain. This type of pleuritic, visceral pain HURTS!!! This was a very emotional day for me and I was a little scared. I don't like to deviate form the original plan, but I trust our pediatrician. She explained everything in detail and we went over the pros and cons and since the absorption is the same we decided this was the best and safest route. 

-Chest X-ray one day after discharge. 

He has done better and better each day he has been at home. His voice is getting stronger and his appetite has improved significantly. He has been asking for pizza everyday which is so funny because they never eat pizza at home, only when we go out. He has only had a low grade temp twice. He is still not sleeping all the way through the night like he did, but considering the sleep disturbance he has gone through he is doing great. I am still up a lot, but he is doing better. My boys have been sleep trained and have had the same schedule for their entire life, so I know in a short amount of time he will fall back into it. It is a balancing act on my part because when he cries I want to go in and often do, but I also have to know when it is good for him to realize this is bedtime and he needs his sleep. The other night he cried and I had already been in there two hours before to give him medicine for actual pain and when I walked in and picked him up he started talking like we were going to play or something. He kind of gave himself away. Back to bed buddy. He's only on Motrin and Tylenol as needed for pain. Kids are so resilient. He definitely looks thinner, especially in his face. I really noticed when I looked back at some photos taken just the week before. His coloring is still a little grey. 

He should make a full recovery without any restrictions and for this I am grateful. He could have a little scarring or damage from the infection but we are praying for none! 

WE want to THANK everyone of you who prayed, messaged, posted, visited, and called. I have ready EVERY word and it meant more than you will ever know. We were COMPLETELY overwhelmed(in a great way) that so many people cared about us and our precious little boy. I never could have imagined the out pouring of love onto our family. It was INCREDIBLE and something I will never forget. Thank you Sarah Greer, Melissa Whitley, and Trier Donahue for the GREAT toys!!!! Both Hew and Harry LOVE them all!!!! <3 I am grateful that I now know what people go through when their little one is so sick, and it will greatly help me to know what to do, or say, when this happens to others I know.

When Hewitt crosses your mind, please pray for his left lung and that there is no damage left after his infection has completely resolved. Thank you!!!! 

-YAY!!!! Broly is home!!!!!!

-HARRY is SO happy to have his BFF back!!!! He said this was hard on him too! <3

Chest Tubes are OUT!!! Day 5 PICU!!!

Today(Monday) has been our best day so far. The chest tubes were removed this morning without any complications. He didn't really sleep the night before because of pain and because Norco has the opposite effect on my kids.....it keeps them awake! YAY!! I held his hand while the tubes were being removed. They sedated him which I was very grateful. However, even though you know that he is 100% ok, and going to wake back up in a few minutes, it was still one of the harder things to watch because he looked catatonic or dead, but with his eyes open. So upsetting. It made me cry.....actually I could have balled, but I knew he could still see me and I didn't want him to be scared. My sister said it so perfectly, "it is like your eyes are telling you one thing and your heart another." It was a very simple procedure done at his bedside, but so weird to see your child like that with his fixed gaze and pinpoint pupils. As he came off the sedation(katamine) he would start trying to say mommy, but only "ma" would come out. Little angel! I have never had a child in the hospital and now I have much more sympathy and understanding! So that is good!

He was like a different kid once those tubes were out. He started talking to me in his little hoarse voice. He started actually eating and drinking more. We did an Easter Egg hunt and rode in the little red wagon. He didn't want to get out of that wagon so he ate dinner in it and watched Mickey Mouse in that wagon. He smiled a lot today and laughed a lot today. I love when he says, "lay down mommy" as he points to the spot beside him bed. Or when he insist I hold BOTH his hands every time a nurse walks in or someone touches him. They are so surprised at how well he is recovering!!!!


We got some pretty good smiles in this thing!



He was still very guarded because of his "owie". He wakes up often confused and will stand up abruptly screaming and pulling at his chest. Talk about an adrenaline rush and not the fun kind. I saw incisions for the first time today. He has two separate tubes in his chest and also a two inch incision from his thoracotomy. Thoracotomy is an incision made in the chest so the surgeon can have access to the lungs. He had to have this because the infection was so severe they had to scrape the lungs and pull out the pus, dead tissue, and infections so that the normal, healthy lung could expand again. When a pneumonia causes an empyema(infection of the pleural space) antibiotics cannot reach this area and surgical debridement is almost always necessary. It was this process that cause the collapsed lung and he was breathing only with his right lung, but not anymore!!!


This hospital stay has made me think about all the sick children out there and how their parents must feel. My child is going to recover completely and go back to his normal life. There is a light at the end of our tunnel. I have thought about what it must feel like to have a little child with a terminal disease. One that you know they will in all likelihood never cure or recover from. I CANNOT imagine holding Hewitt knowing that he may not make it to his 3rd birthday. I CANNOT imagine him having a disease that is long term. So, I am grateful for our pneumonia because it has a cure. If you are reading this post and you have a child with a terminal disease, life long disease, or a child that has passed....know that I have thought of you often and have prayed for your breaking heart!

Day 4 of PICU!

Saturday night through Sunday night.  

This is going to be a lot MORE detail than anyone of you likely want to know, but I am documenting for my memory sake! Hewitt has been in a lot of pain because of the two chest tubes. It hurts every time he moves or coughs. He also had lots of severe pain today(Sunday) because as the fluid moves out the ling can keep expanding and this can be very painful. He actually pointed to his mid chest instead of the chest tube site today when referring to his "owie". :-( Friday and Saturday night sleeping was worse than the first night. Partly because he is more aware and we have had to move more during the day. If you come near him he starts to tense up because he wonders if you are going to move him or stick him! He has continued to be on narcotics, but we moved from morphine to Norco with Motrin. If you are in scrubs, he immediately doesn't want to be your friend! LOL!! We walked again today and everyday time he does he gets a little faster. Partly, because I think he wants to get back in the bed. Yesterday when we made him walk he also had to step on the scale to weigh, so today when he walked he "hurried" and did the same lap around the hall and stepped on the scale even though he didn't have to weigh. I think he thought that was the routine and the faster he did the routine the faster he could sit down. It as sad and funny. I have stayed every night, but last night I stayed until 4am and Rocky relieved me, so I got to get 4 hours of straight sleep early Sunday am at home. WHAT A DREAM!!!

He has talked very little and has three phrases he says often......"mommy", "owie", and "NO".  I miss seeing him smile and talk. We bought our first portable movie device and he watched Mickey Mouse with his best friend Harry and I know that makes him feel better, even though you can't really tell. I told Harry to pray for brother's left lung so now when you prompt him with the word "left" he says, "Broly left lung feel better".

We will likely get the chest tubes out tomorrow(Monday) which is a great sign. To get the tubes out you have to have less than 30cc of fluid coming out of the chest tubes in 24 hours! YAY!! It has slowly trended down. Part of the disease process from an empyema(infection in and of the pleural space that surrounds the lung) is a distended abdomen. On top of that he hadn't gone the bathroom in 4 days. I knew he was really miserable so we gave him a suppository. I regretted giving this to him before bed because he was up all night in pain because it forced his bowels to start moving the hard stool, which was very was painful. BUT.....he had a MAJOR blowout.....MAJOR.....so at least he must feel better after that! He saved that for when his daddy got here. DARN...I missed it! LOL!!

OVERALL.....the doctors say that he has progressed really well and fast considering how sick he was. I think they are surprised. I am not.....Hew is very strong!! 

On another note, please be praying for another patient here in the PICU. He is 6-10 weeks old(not sure of age) and has no family that I have seen in 5 days. I have overheard a couple things, but I won't share publicly. I plan on talking to the social worker today.  I would love to help him in whatever way we can! I know it is probably a long shot to take him home, but if that is God's will it will be. Even if it were to hold him and love him for just a short bit until he has a home again. NO newborn baby should ever be without LOVE or someone to hold him. He hasn't had anyone holding him since I got here, except the nurses interaction. He is so precious. I want to go squeeze him!! Please pray for him and his future! 

SO....as I sit with a Hewitt, even when he was so critical, I am reminded to be grateful for two things specifically. First, to be grateful that we will near modern medicine. How many children in this world have ZERO access to life saving procedures and medication. Hewitt would be dead without them. We take this for granted everyday. We are so blessed. How many mothers sit and hold their sick, dying child with zero hope? It is happening everyday all around the world. Dying form infections and disease we cure every minute of everyday. How many of us complain about what other cultures would die to have?? Guilty. I am so thankful to live in this great country(even with all our flaws)!! Even on our worst of days, it is FAR greater than the majority of the world. Be THANKFUL!!! Second, I am grateful that my boys have parents that love and hug them everyday. We may be sick right now, but Hewitt has never known a day without love, hugs, and kisses. Thankful that I never went without someone to hold me. We know that physical touch is a necessity of life. Pray for that baby. 

Watching Mickey on "my computor".

Our FAVE nurse!!! She is so precious and is fostering twin girls with Cystic Fibrosis!

So GREAT to see him smile, even if for only a minute!!! Melted my heart! 

God is good, ALL the time!!!

I think where we left off was after my last hCG a couple days before Thanksgiving. Well, the Monday after Thanksgiving we had our first US and the only thing visualized was a black sac. No baby. No fetal pole. No heart beat. I knew immediately that this was not good. My doctors said that it was 50/50 and we would re-scan on that Friday. In my heart I knew that it wasn't going to be any different on Friday. Of course, there is always that glimmer of hope, but I started preparing myself immediately that it would not continue. We saw the twins the second the US wand was in place and since IVF dates are so exact at 6 weeks and 3 days we should have seen something. I think all of us in the room knew that, but of course a couple days off on US can make a huge difference on something that small. So, I planned another one for Friday, but this time with my actual OB. My insurance doesn't cover US at my fertility doctor and no need to waste money. I feel SO fortunate to literally have the BEST fertility doctor and the BEST OB doctor you can get!

We waited another 3-4 days and the next US showed the same thing. We had lost little Lasty. Of course you have just a tiny ounce of hope, but reality tells you that it can't be and it wasn't! I was told that I could stop all my medications. Honestly, this was very hard. I knew there was nothing there, but in the past I had never gotten pregnant except with the twins so I had never had to stop medications before. It is a very weird/sad/hard experience(for lack of better terminology) because you know that if there is ANY chance that there is something there that you are likely going to end it when you stop the medications. So.....since I had some medications left over I continued them for another few days. It just made me feel better. Like overkill, but I didn't ever want to wonder AT ALL even though I knew it wasn't there!!!! It is actually something that I cannot explain and I don't think you can unless you have been through it personally. Logically and scientifically it doesn't make sense. It was really for my peace of mind and maybe to give me time to process.  I asked my OB for one more US the following Friday and of course it showed the same thing. I knew it would, but now I had 100% peace and that was worth it! Even though you know it is over....of course there is that part of you(the HOPING part) that says, "well maybe,,,,just maybe" and it is that hoping part that has to get down to 0% for you to have the peace you need to move on. I meant to write an update after this, but you know how the days go by and then before I knew it Christmas was here and I didn't want to be a Debbie Downer right before Christmas! :-)

My third US the boys were with me and my mom. On one hand, you were hoping for more, but then the moment I got down off that table I looked down at PURE perfection and my heart was FULL and overflowing with gratitude. I am a mother. The boys acted like angels in the US room and they looked like angels too! :-)  I reached down and hugged them both so tight! I don't understand why some people have such a difficult time getting pregnant. It isn't for me to understand. I do know and I do trust 100% that God is and can use my difficulties and any difficulties for good IF we allow Him to. I choose to let these difficulties make me cherish my boys more and more each day. To stop and play and hug more than usual. I may never have another baby, but God has given me two and I need to live in the moment with them and make everyday last as long as possible which means I don't have time to waste! I remind myself often about how many women and couples are still childless. That pain is indescribable and I am no longer on that horrific journey and it wouldn't be right for me to act like I am. Don't get me wrong....it is still a difficult, long, and arduous journey. For me to try to get pregnant once it will take a minimum of 6 months. When normal women can try two weeks after a negative test, my entire IVF journey this time started in September and my body will not be back to normal until February/March.  So when you have to only wait 10-14 days to try again......don't complain, be grateful!!! :-) People struggling with infertility may only get to try 1-2 times per year!!!

I was offered a medication that will induce the miscarry part if my body didn't do it naturally by a certain time, but I was really wanting for my body to do it naturally and it did. 6 days after stopping my medications the miscarriage part had started and this was the week before Christmas. It was minimal for two days and I thought to myself, "Oh this is nothing!" THEN......Thursday morning came! I started cramping at work right in the middle of seeing patients. And by cramping I mean PMS on STEROIDS, but I thought....."surely this can't last that long or get worse. I can push through"! WRONG! It was the most pain I had ever experienced in my life. At this point, there was no baby, only products of conception, and HOW IN THE WORLD could that produce that type of pain! It is BEYOND me!! It had to be comparable to labor pains which I have never experienced and I will not(if I get the chance) being doing that without meds! NO WAY!! Needless to say, I had to leave work. Although, I tried to wait it out for about two hours in my office. Oddly, I only had a couple patients during that time. I could barely walk to my car. The pain was pretty consistent, but the severe pain came in waves lasting several minutes and only subsiding for 30 -60 seconds. The worst part lasted around 5 hours. Then there were a couple more episodes that evening and the following morning. I will spare you the "pretty" details, but if this is something you are about to go through please feel for to ask me.

With all of the sadness of losing Lasty, in the end, I have been pregnant, carried babies, decorated a nursery, had baby showers, maternity photos, heard not one, but two heart beats, have now heard "I love you mommy" from two angelic faces, and many more! So many will never have those experiences. I choose gratitude! It makes life so much better! (FYI.....I am not some super saint.....if you haven't read my entire blog....I spent 2 years not choosing gratitude and it was le miserable!!) Being happy is actually a choice. Life can be hard and throw very unexpected trials and difficulties at any second. The ONLY way I(through Christ) was able to pull myself out of that dark, bitter hole infertility was by choosing gratitude one day at a time. This then becomes a habit. Of course, we all still have bad days, but I don't live there. I start thanking God for ALL the many things I have and all the things I definitely don't deserve. My heart wants many more children, but today I have been given Hew and Harry! Many of you know that I work in Radiation Oncology and every week I talk, cry, and treat people facing death. Some with zero hope. Some very young. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, grandparents, children, etc. Instead of being sad for my loss, I challenge you to stop right now and thank God for everything you have that is special to you. Everything. When you are having a bad day(you know the ones where you want to complain the ENTIRE day), stop and do your gratitude list and your heart can't hep but to turn happy! YAY!!

My list pre Hew and Harry(cliff notes): Thank you for two parents that are still alive and that are my best friends and have loved me perfectly since the day they knew about me. Thank you for my sister whom I COULD NOT do live without. I would rather never be a mother than to lose my sister. Thank you for giving me a husband who loves me unconditionally and treats me with perfect kindness. Thank you I don't have cancer and my family isn't facing anything terminal and that I have legs and a brain that works(most of the time)! Thank you for a roof, food, clean water and that I never think about gas prices, or if I can afford to put food on the table. Thank you for letting me be born in the good ole US of A! These are just a few of the things I would list to get myself happy!! The further down you are the more things you have to list!! LOL!! I am in tears as I write this because it takes me right back to that time, but it also reminds me that even though I am not going through any thing as difficult, that I need to still repeat this list. When things are going well it is very easy to start complaint about the little things and get caught up in all the things that are going wrong. Yikes!!

My list post Hew and Harry: Thank you that I am a mother today. And all of the above again, but mostly now ALL I have to remind myself of is that I have Hew and Harry! That is enough to turn my frown upside down! :-)

Over these past 7 years(almost) of infertility of I have learned several things!!! TOO many to name, but one that is relevant here is to never assume that you are going to get something. Live in the present. Don't get ahead of God. Be grateful for what He has given you today. It may not be here tomorrow. Don't waste precious times worrying over things you cannot control because you can never get that time back. Do you know how freeing these lessons are???? Do you know how LONG it took me to learn them??? BUT....I learned them and they have protected me form unnecessary(side note-you know I can never spell this work the first time. I can never memorize this one! Shouldn't it have more c's or something???) pain. I think we often inflict more pain on ourselves than was needed by assuming and expecting something to happen that we have no control over. It is already painful enough.

These past couple weeks I have kissed, hugged, held, snuggle, squeezed, played, kissed, wrestled, watched, starred, kissed, and played with my boys more than I would have because I am not promised anymore than I have and I better make it count! EVERY second! If that is what God wanted to teach/remind me to do through this miscarriage.....it was worth it. Time is passing and we can never go back! Cherish the moments you have today! Be grateful for SOMETHING no matter what you are going through!!!!

WELL.........

SO...... Our transfer was November 4th and I started taking pregnancy tests the following Thursday.  I started testing with the twins 6 days out from a 5 day transfer and got a positive that first test. This time I waited until 8 days out from a 5 day transfer(I tell this part because people going through infertility WANT to know those things!). I could have sworn I was seeing double, so after wiping my eyes, holding the stick in various lights, and giving my best squint.....it was confirmed......there were two lines!!!! That second line was OH so faint, but it was there!!!!!! I was COMPLETELY shocked that it turned positive! Disbelief really. I really thought how in the world could I get pregnant again, especially after mixing up my medications so many different times. The bottom line is....GOD is in control of life!! I did my VERY best and ultimately He decides!!! I mean, people get pregnant on heroine for peats sake! I also tried to make myself believe it wouldn't work so I wouldn't get my hopes up too far from reality!

I took a test every day leading up to my blood test and it only got more positive each time!!! YAY!!! My HcG was 92.5 and at this same exact time with the twins it was 161!! So perfectly on track!!! One week later with the twins to was well over 3700!!!!! Obviously, this one won't be as high because it is only one!!! UNLESS......it splits!! I can dream can't I?!!?!

We know it is VERY early, but we want to be EXCITED that we are pregnant today!!! I am SO happy that I can even get pregnant again!! That in of itself is such a blessing!!! We hope to meet Lasty next July, if that is God's will for his(yes I think it is a boy) life! Today, we are 5 weeks and 1 day!!!

I will go back Monday for another blood test and then the following week for the ultrasound!!!! I can't believe I get to have another ultrasound!!!! WOO HOO!!!!! Thank you for all your prayers and support!!!

OH LASTY!!!!! HERE WE GO.......AGAIN!!!!!

OH LASTY!!!!!!

Some of you may remember that we had ONE little angel(embryo) left from our initial fresh cycle IVF in 2012. We have five total that made it to the embryo stage, the first two didn't take, then the next two were Hew and Harry-WOO HOO-, and that left one little friend. He says, “ it has been winter forever in here”! HA!! We have so cleverly named him/her LASTY!!!! We started medication early September and had our transfer of Lasty on Wednesday afternoon! Everything went as planed! This round has been COMPLETELY different for many reason, some of which you can guess. The biggest difference is I have Hew and Harry, I have experienced pregnancy, I have seen my children in my womb, I have heard their heart beats, experienced delivery, picked names, nursed them, and pretty much everything else you DREAM of doing as a mother. That makes this experience VASTLY different. Their is no devastation, heartache, pain, wonder, or what if while going through this round. The ONE thing I wanted so desperately, I now have!!! PLUS.....NO TIME to even think about it!!! Toddler twins….need I say more?!?! 

I know I will be sad if it doesn't work, but it will NOT compare to previous failed cycles or lack of pregnancy for 48 LONG months. It just makes me ALL the more grateful for the TWO lives God has given me. SO many women are still struggling to even have ONE, so I will not complain or pretend it is the same as what they are still going through. Infertility is definitely hard no matter what because you want to JUST get pregnant like you normal people, but once God has blessed you with your own children it becomes dramatically different!! For me, it has been important to not lose sight of the fact that God has BLESSED me beyond measure with my boys. It is SO easy for us to get the one thing we have longed to have for so long only to want more and more, never really being completely satisfied. YES….I want more!. YES….I will be sad if I can’t have anymore. BUT…..I will always look at my two little beautiful faces and remember to be grateful. Remember God answered my prayer ABOVE and BEYOND!!! Remember that there are countless women who continue to endure the struggle childless and many more who’s time has already passed! 

If I am being honest, I feel as though this one may not work. And not in a "woe is me" kind of way! So don't be sad! :-) I don’t know why I feel this way and I will be surprised if to does work. Maybe it is God’s way of protecting me and keeping me grounded in reality. I had this same feeling with our first cycle that didn’t work(except in devastation) and with Hew and Harry I actually had a peace that this was it. OF COURSE, these are just feelings!!! Feelings can make you think anything and everything under the sun! I may feel this way because I messed up several medications with regards to timing, start dates, etc! Did I mention TODDLER-TWIN brain!!! I don’t even know what day it is!! LOL!!! 

Ultimately, life is ALWAYS in God’s hands. I am not in control. I did my best. I have the best doctor(Dr. Shauna McKinney). If it is meant to be for us to meet Lasty……then we will!!!! The future of this little friend has already been written in time. We are hopeful, but realistic. Today, I am just grateful. Grateful that Lasty survived the thaw and that the placement was ideal. Grateful that I have two precious, healthy boys and they are MORE than I deserve. I want several more, but I remember telling God I would be forever content if I just get to experience pregnancy even once! He has already fulfilled that dream!!! 

And if this doesn’t work….if MUST mean that we are to start ALL over again because He wants us to have twins again, right?!?!! :-)  

I LOVE these photos!! Life is SUCH a miracle!!!!

Close To Home!!!

The boys are 1-2 days away from coming home! I'm praying for tomorrow! They will be circumsized in the morning. They have weaned off everything. They are maintaining their own temperature, returned to their birth weight, passed their car seat test. They had to sit in them for 1 1/2 hours today without any complications. 

They have tandem breastfeed twice now and what a miracle to see. Sorry, no photos of that to share! :-). I wish I could because it is so AMAZING to see! They are very good at latching for such small little humans! 

I want to thank everyone for their kind, encouraging words, and for praying for the boys and my recovery. Also, thank you for all the prayers and words of encouragement you have sent my way on this long road of infertility. I have cherished every word and they have helped me through some of my darkest days and have seen me through to my brightest! God is so good, not because of the good days, but carrying you through the deep valleys to see and truly the appreciate the good days. These days are that much sweeter because of the road traveled to get here. 

Harrington

Hewitt

Rocky was tired like his boys! 

My dad told me today that he has many, many photos of me holding babies, but none of me holding babies and wearing a sticker that says, "parent". Blessed and humbled!